How lucky I am...

Some of you are a bit familiar with my work, but for those who aren't let me give a brief insight. I work on the cardiac floors of my local hospital. My job roll is completely new and thus constantly evolving, though the basic premise is to explore psychosocial aspects of the patients heart disease. I frequently discuss mortality, stress, anxiety, depression, relaxation techniques etc. with patients right after a heart attack, awaiting open heart surgery, suffering from heart failure, and a few other cardiac based concerns.

With that said, every day I receive a list of patient names, sometimes very short to non-existent other days quite staggeringly long. I then round the floors, determining whom would benefit from my services and then I proceed in to see them. Some days it is easy to get caught in a routine, saying virtually the same things even when i try hard not to...and other times, well, other times things are completely different.

A few weeks back I had the pleasure of meeting a lady, admitted to the hospital for chest pain after having made her way there herself. Rather petite, with skin worn by the years and elements and a somewhat raspy voice from years of smoking she was pleasant to talk to and used the words "sweetie" and "dear" when addressing me and other staff. In relatively good health all her life until that night, she was mildly concerned but not too worried. What came in as chest pain, turned out to be a heart attack, and for many of my patients this instant smack to life's greatest reality from a life of essentially good health is quite a shock, and ultimately a life changer. The real kicker in this case however, came a few days after admission. She already received a stent to a blocked artery for the heart attack when a routine x-ray would then show what appeared to be masses in her lungs. They would proceed to do a gauntlet of tests and procedures before ultimately deciding she had lung cancer. She, from the day of the x-ray, voiced knowing what it was and prepared herself to hear of it spreading to her liver, kidneys, or other parts of the body. And most unfortunately, she was right...the cancer had metastasized to her brain. Over the next 2 weeks I would spend approximately 10 hours or so with her, sometimes in 5 minute chats and other times more than an hour of discussion. She decided to decline most aggressive forms of treatment and only receive what would keep her mostly pain free. Yet through all of this, I watched a woman stay staunch in her faith, smiling and laughing with me between times of tears and much praying by herself throughout the day. She had accepted her fate and set her mind to focusing on enjoying every day as best she could, for however many days that may be. Doctors would give her likely a few months to a year.

Why I feel fortunate...This woman's story will never be written in a book or turned to film for theater or tv. The reality is she will likely die soon with very few people really even knowing of her...however, there in what were her most fragile moments, as she contemplated her life, what good she had done with it and what she would do with the little bit left...she chose to spend several of those hours with me, sharing herself, how she felt during this ordeal, stories from her life, jokes she heard, whatever the topic was that day...and for that I feel blessed!